"my just crawled out from under a rock look"

 I made this in an art class that I take with a phenomenal artist/teacher and a group of amazing, creative women.  Though I was given the dimensions of my features (ie. two different sized eyes, a really long nose, and a very small mouth) and a process to follow, it took me a while to get comfortable.  The sheer novelty of spending all that time studying my face in the mirror, not looking for new wrinkles, but looking to reproduce my features, was enlightening.  I really saw myself in a new light, the color of my eyes, the shape of my nose, the shades in my hair.  I've noticed all these things before, of course, but not in the context of having to reproduce them.  And then, just when I was getting a little more used to seeing myself on the paper, Jill (my teacher) handed me a piece of charcoal to create the shadows and dark circles.  More discomfort.  Not exactly a "pretty" result.  In these days of staying youthful, and getting rid of the flaws, I'm busy highlighting them!  What a freeing thing to do.  It actually looks like me, though I'm not quite that pinched or sickly looking :)  And I love it!  I've done tons of painting and other creative projects over the years but I'm not sure that any have had such an impact on me.

I've made many more since - of my kids, my dad and my mom's dog.  I'm so excited about the possibility of making them with old and new friends in our Wine, Women and a Paintbrush series.  Can't wait to see what will arise!

Lori

Today I am Grateful for Me - A Mixed-Media Self Portrait

A self-portrait seems like the most daunting of creative endeavours. Why is that? Do we feel we can only attempt a portrait if we have the skills to get the likeness just right? Or is it because we really have to look closely at ourselves; if not at our actual features, then at ourselves, our lives, our values, etc. Sometimes this navel gazing seems like a huge task that we don't have the time to do "properly" - with genuine reflection and effort. Does "properly" mean that we need to get it RIGHT? Goodness, there seems to be so many things that can stop us dead in our tracks because we have this perception that we must get it right.
I think of that quote...."boldness has genuis in it...", you know it:

Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.” - Goethe



So with that abandon to action, I attempted a self portrait that became a wonderful exercise in letting go and surrendering to the process. Surrounded in a variety of papers I found appealing, magazines I love reading, pages from old journals, and a current writing on Gratitude, pictures of family and a selection of my own artwork that had some meaning for me, I let loose with scissors and gel medium. The process of collage was completely absorbing and enlightening as I watched myself be moved and inspired by certain images, colors, and words.
The whole process was inspired by the book Taking Flight by Kelly Rae Roberts, so I can't take credit for the idea. I can however own the courage it took to jump in and allow myself the gift of engaging in the process. It's hard to give ourselves permission to take the time for these things most of the time....so for this I am grateful - to myself.
In the end, it was very moving, enlightening, and fascinating as the painting spoke to me on it's own as I worked. Only one brief moment felt frustrating...when my critical brain piped up to observe that my facial features were out of proportion. I was both amused and grateful that my Wise Woman (right brain) very quickly quipped back..."that's OK, it's SUPPOSED to be like that!"